Looking back on it, I had a very fortunate childhood in a lot of ways. Sure, there are things I think really sucked about my upbringing, but overall I’m mostly grateful. One of the things I’m most thankful for is that my mom stayed home with us, which meant we got to spend the entire summer at home, just chilling out. We had an above-ground pool in our back yard, so that meant summers were spent swimming and playing as much as possible inside of it. I’m reminded of those fun, relaxing, sun-filled days almost every day when I drive back and forth from work to my house on my lunch hour. There’s just something about the clouds and the trees on my route that evokes powerful and vivid memories of my childhood almost every single day.
I’m starting to think that these memories aren’t so great for me, though, because the result of having them is that I end up wistfully longing that I could either be 10 years old again, hanging out by my pool or that I could be providing those same memories for my children. Instead, I’m a “slave to the man” and work full-time all year round. I enjoy my job, but the pull to not have to work is very strong in me. I think I’d be much more content keeping the house up to the standards I’d like them to be, hanging out with the kids and my Gracie-girl, keeping the garden up, playing in the pool, and just generally experiencing a true summer. Maybe I need a job in the school district so I can have summers off. The problem is, those jobs don’t pay near as well as the one I have now. And we’ve grown accustomed to the money my salary brings into the household, of course. I just can’t shake the feeling that I am meant to be doing something else with my time and leading a quieter, less busy, simpler life – and not just in the summer, either. I don’t know what the answer is, but I believe I’m having these memories and feelings for a reason. Now I just need to figure out what they are.
I think part of it is just normal longing. I always find myself wishing (especially during the summer) that I were a teacher and had my summers off to travel and do things with the kids every day.
Maybe you should try starting your own home business, or finding a job where you can telecommute. I just quit a job because I could not stand the 9-5 anymore, and am working on starting my own businesses. I’m completely broke and in debt, but I’m much happier.
I’m loving summer too this year – way more than in the past, for some reason. I’m trying to squeeze as much fun into it as possible. And rather than longing for my childhood, it seems more like I’m really obsessed about creating great summer memories for my kids.
I find myself doing the same thing around the holidays, too, so I guess it’s pretty normal!