Archive for August, 2008

Back in the Saddle

Thursday, August 21st, 2008

It’s so hard to start blogging again after a prolonged period of not doing so. It’s like after so much time passes, how do you determine what qualifies as worthy of the return to form? You can’t just come back with some inane ramblings. Of course, I plan to do just that, so maybe you can.

The past couple of days have been interesting, especially compared to my otherwise pretty simple and uncomplicated existence. I hesitate to describe my life as “boring” because that sounds so drab and I don’t feel like my life is boring at all, even though it probably isn’t terribly exciting to the casual observer. Still, though, I go to bed with a feeling of fullness and satisfaction for the events that transpired the previous 16 hours more often that not.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to perform in a video shoot for work. I had a non-speaking role of a “stylish soccer mom” who demonstrated some features inside of a minivan and of a cellphone. Calling this acting might be a bit of a stretch, however, I believe I was bitten by the bug. I am now (with extreme encouragement from my sponsor and other key people in my life) looking to pursue this further. At this point, I’d be happy to just do commercials or videos similar to yesterdays – I am just not sure how to get started. If I’m honest with you (and myself), I’ve wanted to do something like this my entire life. I’ve just always dismissed the thought immediately after thinking, “I’d love to be an actress or model or something like that.” What followed was usually something like this: “Yeah, right. You’re not good enough to do that. Who would want you? You’re too tall. You’re uncoordinated. Your nose is too big. You’re too fat. You don’t have the talent. You don’t have the ‘it’ factor. You don’t have the sheer chutzpah and stage presence required. Everyone will laugh at you. Wanting to do this is conceited and ego-centric.” The voice goes on and on. I never really stopped to reflect on any of it, always choosing instead to listen to the negative self-talk and pushing these “crazy” thoughts out of my head. Being in front of that camera and working with a director yesterday, however, made me stop in my tracks because of how natural it felt and how much I enjoyed it. So stay tuned. I’m sure the path will be filled with sputtering starts and screeching stops, but I’m going to walk on it anyway. Who knows, maybe I’ll even run.

In other news, I discovered a painful lump in my left breast yesterday. In hindsight, there’s been something wrong for a couple of months. I remember I mentioned to Rob that my breasts looked fuller – at least one did. DUH! More recently, that boob has been spilling out of my bra cup. I just thought it was my new bras and almost bought new ones yesterday! Also, for a while now, whenever Rob has “copped a feel”, I’ve hollered in pain. I didn’t realize it was just the one boob, YK? And I didn’t think much about it, choosing to think he was being too rough on my gentle self. Poor Rob. Anyway, I went to my GYN today and she confirmed the lump, but also confirmed what my friend Google told me: most painful lumps are just benign cysts. She ordered a bilateral diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound on the left breast and I’m waiting for a call back now to confirm that appointment. I’ll keep you all updated. I was hoping to get in tomorrow since we leave for vacation on Saturday, but I’m not sure that will happen.

Speaking of vacation – we’re headed back to Virginia Beach! I’m thrilled and can’t wait to spend a week at one of my favorite places in the entire world. Sun, fun, and relaxation here we come.