Dear Miriam

An Open Letter to the Girl Who Rear-Ended Me

As I sit here at 4:00 in the morning, awake from another all-night neck injury induced migraine, I wonder if you think about how you affected my life with your act of carelessness over 14 months ago. Do you ever just stop short and wonder whatever happened to the woman you crashed into? Does the accident play over and over in your mind like it does mine? Do you have a fear of red lights or when traffic stops suddenly that you’ll plow into the back of another unsuspecting motorist?

Do you wonder if I have spent months going to Physical Therapy, Chiropractors, Orthopedists, pain management specialists, and Acupuncturists? I hope so, because the answer is yes, indeed, I have spent hours and hours of my time going from one doctor to another trying to find relief from my pain.

Do you wonder if I have been in non-stop pain since the day you hit me? I hope so, because the answer is yes, I forget what life is like without pain of some sort except for those few blissful moments when the painkillers are doing their job.

Do you wonder if my husband & kids have been affected because of my injuries? I hope so, because they’ve had to deal with my diminished capacity for doing certain physical tasks around the house, my crankiness due to being in pain, and also have taken on the role of caregiver after getting cervical spine injections.

Do you wonder if my job has been affected due to having to take off for continuous doctor’s appointments? I hope so, because it has. Thankfully I have a very understanding and supportive boss, but what if I didn’t?

Or do you continue on with your life as if nothing happened? Was I just a small blip on your radar screen?

The past 14 months have been hell for me and those close to me in various ways. Even though life is still good and I remain positive overall, it really has been hard. My life has been altered. I will never be the same even if I do eventually find relief from the pain. Sadly, I will bear the scars of this accident and long-term physical pain for the rest of my life emotionally.

And now… I continue on with another day, sleep-deprived, distracted by pain and beaten down emotionally from the strain of it all. I will put a smile on my face and do what I can, though, because I refuse to let this get the best of me. I also realize that things could have been so much worse. I’m grateful things are only as bad as they are. Truly. I have hope that I will one day know what it’s like to have pain-free days, weeks, and months again. And I hope you are out there paying attention to the road so you don’t do this to another person.

3 Responses to “Dear Miriam”

  1. Kevin says:

    Hey, I wish you the best!
    You have a great question… does she still think of what she did?
    We can only hope so. Hope that she carries the memory for the rest of her life. Hope that it gives her that something extra to pay MORE attention to her driving. Hope that she gives an extra prayer to you for a great recovery. Hope that she does a life change for the better.
    We can only hope so……

  2. Amy says:

    Thanks, Kev… it was a rough night/morning. I’m just so frustrated.

  3. Steve says:

    Writing about your experience has been a service to me. My wife suffers from near constant pain and having someone else share their experience with this has given me new understanding into what her days are like.

    It is hard to forgive, but what other choice do we really have?

    I pray you find relief, one day at a time.