Archive for September, 2010

30 Days of Truth

Thursday, September 30th, 2010

Well, hello there, surprised readers! I know, I never update this thing any more. It’s mostly because I feel a little too vulnerable and open here; I no longer have the anonymity I once did and I find myself censoring so much that it’s not even worth the effort. But, I’m going to attempt this little project called 30 Days of Truth. I saw it over at Laura’s, who saw it at Joelle’s & I figured it would be a good way to get my feet wet again with writing. I might not be completely transparent with each day’s answers, but I’ll write something close to it.

Day 01 — Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 — Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 — Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 — Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 — Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 — Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 — Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 — Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 — Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 — Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 — Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 — Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 — A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 — A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 — Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 — Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 — A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 — Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 — What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 — Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 — (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 — Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 — Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 — Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 — The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 — Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 — What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 — What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 — Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 — A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

I’ll go ahead and get started then.

Day 1 – Something you hate about yourself.

Wow. Starting with the “h” word right off the bat. It’s such a strong word, isn’t it? An intense feeling of dislike.

It’s so easy for me to jump right to physical characteristics with this. For so much of my life, I hated being so tall (5’11″), but I’ve mostly gotten over that. Which wasn’t hard once I suddenly found myself the shortest person in my household with fast-growing teenage boys. I also used to really hate that I was born with a pretty major hearing loss in both ears. Again, though, that’s something I’ve made peace with and honestly – at the end of a long day, there’s not much better than taking out the old aids and listening to pure silence.

The physical trait that I do still have a hard time getting over, though, is the loose, sagging, stretch-marked skin that materialized as a result of losing 140 pounds without much exercise. I’m painting a pretty picture, huh? I’ve had plenty of people tell me that it really isn’t *that* bad. And I’ve seen worse. Way worse. But I have this inner perfectionist who doesn’t like to keep quiet for very long. She likes to point out that my upper thighs aren’t perfectly toned, that my stomach is nowhere near washboard-ready, that I most definitely don’t look like the women in my Runner’s World magazine. That inner perfectionist is right; I don’t look like a cover girl. But you know what? I also don’t look like the 300 pound miserable girl I used to be, either. And even when I was that heavy, I was still beautiful. I know because my husband told me so. :-)

As easy as it is for me to pick a physical trait to showcase as my most hated feature, what I really intensely dislike is the inner perfectionist.

The Judge.

My quality of life would improve beyond imagination were I to shed that characteristic. It’s something to work on – a goal to aspire to – and something I hope I conquer before I’m reduced to dust.