Archive for the ‘Freakin Idiot!’ Category

Time To Let You Go

Monday, October 18th, 2010

I’m trying out this 30 Days of Truth thing. Today is day 10. 1/3 done! What will I blog about after that? :-) You can see where it started here.

Day 10 — Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

There’s a girl Rob & I befriended and sort of took under our wing, let’s call her Jane. She is a nice girl, but we’ve since found out that she is like a bull in a china shop emotionally. On top of that, she’s needy, clingy, and cloying. And while this is no fault of her own, we’ve discovered that she’s not that bright. Is that awful of us to dislike her because she’s so blatantly dumb? It’s hard to have a regular discussion with her, though, because of it. And also because of her incredible self-centeredness. Ugh. I’ve had to set some boundaries the past couple of weeks, but I think more may be in store. Not fun stuff, but totally necessary.

I’m not sure if I need to completely let her go because she’s someone I’ll continue to see in our social circle, but I definitely want to put some distance between us. Good times.

Dear Miriam

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009

An Open Letter to the Girl Who Rear-Ended Me

As I sit here at 4:00 in the morning, awake from another all-night neck injury induced migraine, I wonder if you think about how you affected my life with your act of carelessness over 14 months ago. Do you ever just stop short and wonder whatever happened to the woman you crashed into? Does the accident play over and over in your mind like it does mine? Do you have a fear of red lights or when traffic stops suddenly that you’ll plow into the back of another unsuspecting motorist?

Do you wonder if I have spent months going to Physical Therapy, Chiropractors, Orthopedists, pain management specialists, and Acupuncturists? I hope so, because the answer is yes, indeed, I have spent hours and hours of my time going from one doctor to another trying to find relief from my pain.

Do you wonder if I have been in non-stop pain since the day you hit me? I hope so, because the answer is yes, I forget what life is like without pain of some sort except for those few blissful moments when the painkillers are doing their job.

Do you wonder if my husband & kids have been affected because of my injuries? I hope so, because they’ve had to deal with my diminished capacity for doing certain physical tasks around the house, my crankiness due to being in pain, and also have taken on the role of caregiver after getting cervical spine injections.

Do you wonder if my job has been affected due to having to take off for continuous doctor’s appointments? I hope so, because it has. Thankfully I have a very understanding and supportive boss, but what if I didn’t?

Or do you continue on with your life as if nothing happened? Was I just a small blip on your radar screen?

The past 14 months have been hell for me and those close to me in various ways. Even though life is still good and I remain positive overall, it really has been hard. My life has been altered. I will never be the same even if I do eventually find relief from the pain. Sadly, I will bear the scars of this accident and long-term physical pain for the rest of my life emotionally.

And now… I continue on with another day, sleep-deprived, distracted by pain and beaten down emotionally from the strain of it all. I will put a smile on my face and do what I can, though, because I refuse to let this get the best of me. I also realize that things could have been so much worse. I’m grateful things are only as bad as they are. Truly. I have hope that I will one day know what it’s like to have pain-free days, weeks, and months again. And I hope you are out there paying attention to the road so you don’t do this to another person.

Swine Flu

Thursday, April 30th, 2009

I am having a hard time understanding the hype around this swine flu thing. As far as I can tell, it’s not killing everyone in its path and those who contract it are getting about as sick as they would from the regular flu. The regular flu is more deadly as far as percentages go – so why are we all panicked? What am I missing here?

Seeing the news reports of schools and businesses closing is just craziness to me. Is swine flu more contagious than regular flu? Maybe it’s an issue of us not having enough natural immunity to this virus compared to others?

Rob & I are scheduled to go on a trip to New Mexico leaving tomorrow. He was just told he might have to cancel his trip because his company might be closing down their call center in SE Texas on the Mexican border. WTF?

I’m a little concerned about getting on a plane with this virus floating around, but I plan to practice general rules of hygiene safety by washing my hands frequently and using hand sanitizer through out the day. I’m wondering how many people are going to show up for the flight with face masks.

Hopefully we will look back on this period in a few years time and laugh at ourselves and the ridiculousness of our reactions. I mean, seriously.

The Case of the Robin Family

Thursday, April 23rd, 2009

Mama Robin and babies

Mama Robin and babies

Last year a robin family built a nest in a bush right next to our front door. The mama robin laid eggs and we got to see the babies every day when they hatched. It was one of the highlights of our spring.

Last week the robin family came back and built up the nest they left behind and laid 4 eggs in it. Every day I’d wake up and look out the door or window and smile to see the mama robin sitting on the eggs. I’d do the same when I got home from work, watching the mama fly away as I got close to the bush to walk in the door. I was getting super excited about the birth of 4 little robins!

Two days ago I came home from work and noticed a few robins in the side yard, but no mama was in the nest. I sensed that the robins in the yard were in distress, but I thought they were just warning the mama that I’d be getting close to the nest. When I walked up to the bush and looked into the nest, though, I saw that all four eggs were gone. I was horrified and saddened.

I went back and checked the nest and area a few times, trying to discern what happened. I saw a few very small pieces of the egg shell in the nest and on the ground, but not much at all really. Definitely nothing incriminating or tell-tale. If it was my first look in the nest, I would have assumed the mama had yet to lay her eggs.

When I got home from work yesterday, I noticed my front yard was filled with feathers. It looked like a major fight had gone down right on my front lawn. I stood there, once again horrified, thinking that if I stood there long enough, I’d get a vision of what happened while I was at work. Of course that didn’t happen and I was left to wonder what sort of drama is going on with the wildlife outside my front door while I’m 38 miles away each day.

Some might say I’m putting way too much thought and energy into this whole thing, but I seriously considered going to poll the neighbors about suspicious wildlife activity in our yard. I feel like putting all the detecting skills I’ve collected from reading mysteries my entire life to good use and tracking down the killer of my robin family. I saw no robins at all in my yard when I came home today. I’m not sure if the whole lot of them up and left for safer nesting grounds or if they’re just keeping a low profile after the family massacre or what. Either case is distressing to me.

I know this is nature and its survival of the fittest and all that, but I’m still upset about the loss of my baby robins and most likely at least one adult member of their family, too.

Right now our prime suspect is a hawk since we have quite a few of them in the area. Are there any bird and/or wildlife specialists out there who’d like to weigh in with their opinion? I need to direct my mean thoughts accordingly.

No More Mrs. Nice Mommy

Sunday, October 5th, 2008

I’m so over both of my kids.

Rob and I have had an ongoing disagreement for months (years?) about this one issue and I think it’s taken him being away for a week for me to see things his way. Rob insists that the boys do not do enough around the house as far as cleaning up after themselves, lending a helping hand and pitching in when needed. I’ve maintained that they are only kids once and that as a kid I was messy and self-centered, etc., too.

This week, though, I reached my breaking point. I think things have been exacerbated because I had to go away for two weekends in a row and Rob was gone the entire time (I’m also realizing just how much Rob does around here!). The kids did not help me out one little bit. Even their normal chores were ignored until they were told repeatedly to get them done. I’ve long been a fan (in theory, at least) of saying something once and then if it’s not done dishing out consequences. I haven’t been so good with following my own advice/beliefs this week. It’s been rough just trying to take care of everything I need to for myself – between work, physical therapy, and meetings, and going away twice, I’ve been pretty swamped. Throw in the pets, taking care of my food, packing, laundry, dishes, and keeping the house kept up all on my own with virtually no help from the kids (who, by the way were busy making more messes) and you’ve got one worn out, pissed off, frazzled Amy.

Something happened on Friday, though, that absolutely pushed me over the edge. I packed my suitcase for my trip and told the boys to do the same. Even though they were told to pack on Thursday, they both chose to do so on Friday. That was a battle I decided I didn’t want to fight. I figured if they didn’t have their bags packed by the time we needed to leave on Friday, they’d wear the same clothes all weekend. So. On Wednesday and Thursday I had the boys do their own laundry (I’m dealing with the after-effects of that tonight – but that’s another story) and Aric’s clothes were still mostly in the laundry room on Friday. There was a suitcase sitting on top of Grace’s kennel in the laundry room that I used to pack my stuff in. After I was all packed up, I took the suitcase and placed it in the front hallway close to the door.

When Aric finally decided to pack his bag, he came storming downstairs in a huff wanting to know why I used the suitcase in the laundry room. He had that particular suitcase ready to go for his stuff, he tells me. I guess his plan was to pack his bag directly in the laundry room. I let him know that he didn’t really need a suitcase to go to his grandmother’s house for 2 days, but he was pretty adamant. I knew there were other suitcases so if he wanted to use one of those, he was free to do so.

Not too long after his bag was packed, I told him and Connor to load up the car with their belongings. When I came upstairs I noticed my suitcase was no longer in the hallway. I was pleasantly surprised. Aric packed my suitcase, too?! That was definitely unexpected. I mentally patted myself on the back for raising such a courteous young man who knew how to take care of his mother while his father was gone even if he was mad at her.

We drove over to my parents’ house and I had the boys unload the car of their belongings. Once they were done, I went to check that they had everything and noticed there were no suitcases in the car at all. My suitcase was not there.

“Where’s my suitcase?,” I cried to both boys as they stood staring at me slack-jawed on the curb.

Both shrugged their shoulders and said, “I dunno,” as they walked into the house, my dad trailing behind them shaking his head.

So here I had a 3 hour trip ahead of me that just grew by another 30-45 minutes. Even better – it was now ominously close to rush hour. I left without saying goodbye. When I got back to the house, I found my suitcase thrown haphazardly on the laundry room floor. That little shit. I spent the weekend nursing a resentment against both of them. And for the first time ever, I was away from the boys overnight and I did not miss them. Not even a little bit.

I know Rob is feeling frustrated since he’s 2,500 miles away and can’t help me out. However, I bet he’s also almost grateful that I’m going through this pain because it’s propelling me to change. My views towards the boys and their lack of contribution to the household has done a complete 180… and my actions are right behind. No more Mrs. Nice Mommy. I’m also looking forward to being more on the same page as Rob with this. I hated that there was a chasm between us whenever this issue arose, but I honestly didn’t feel their behaviors were a problem. I guess I needed to deal with them on my own for a while to truly see.

My boys are good kids, don’t get me wrong, but they sure are self-centered, lazy, and slovenly. I don’t know if changing how I parent them will change them internally; I’m hoping that they can act themselves into right thinking where this is concerned by me forcing their hand with their actions. And if they don’t, at least there’s more peace between Rob and I – and less work!