Archive for the ‘MeMeMeMe!’ Category

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Day 2 Truth

Friday, October 1st, 2010

I’m trying out this 30 Days of Truth thing. Today is day 2. You can see where it started (just yesterday!) here.

Day 02 — Something you love about yourself.

Just one thing? There’s so much to love! :-D

It really is a beautiful gift that I honestly believe there are a lot of things to love about me. I mean – I’m funny, nice, gorgeous, loving, generous, helpful, steadfast, determined, and pretty darn smart, too. Oh and did I mention humble?

Seriously, though, I think it’s okay to recognize and acknowledge my good traits. Lord knows I spend enough time obsessing about the negative ones!

The thing that is sticking out for me today when I think of something I love about myself is this: my perseverance. I know how to persevere, man. When I set my mind to something, “determined” is putting it mildly. Of course, this is something that could work for or against me – and definitely has done both in the past. But I’m choosing to focus on the positive aspect of perseverance today. I believe it’s one part of my successful formula to staying in recovery from drugs, alcohol, and compulsive eating. It’s not easy to completely change who you are at your core. Perseverance helps. A lot.

Perseverance has helped me in relationships, especially my marriage. We’ve been through some really rough times. I think a lot of people would have called it quits at various stages we’ve gone through. I was determined to keep at it, though, and I’m so grateful that I did. I should probably also mention here that my husband has some pretty awesome perseverance traits himself. :-)

My long-time readers know I’ve been through hell with pain from a car accident over 2 years ago. I’m still in pain, but it’s better these days – mostly due to a new hobby I picked up this summer: running! Getting through each day with loads of pain is an act of perseverance that I wish on no one. But running. Ah… running. My new love. I never dreamed that I would ever be a runner. I’m the most nonathletic girl in the world. Well, I was anyway.

My running adventures started with walking simply enough. During one of my walks I got the urge to run and I haven’t looked back since. Once I discovered that it helped alleviate my neck & shoulder pain, I was doubly sold. Now, if there was ever a group of people who knew how to persevere, it’s runners. We run through heat & humidity, through leg muscles burning from exertion, through side stitches, through minefields of bugs, through tiredness the likes we’ve never felt before, and through the sweet – oh so sweet – runner’s high. And we go back out again as soon as we can for more.

Alas, injury struck me. And so my perseverance will be tested yet again. I know I have the determination to get through the coming weeks of physical therapy, though. My past experience has shown me what I’m made of – and it’s some pretty strong stuff.

I’m grateful I was blessed with this trait, but perhaps a later day of truth will give me the opportunity to explore its darker side. Stay tuned.

Posted in MeMeMeMe!, Recovery, Running | 1 Comment »

30 Days of Truth

Thursday, September 30th, 2010

Well, hello there, surprised readers! I know, I never update this thing any more. It’s mostly because I feel a little too vulnerable and open here; I no longer have the anonymity I once did and I find myself censoring so much that it’s not even worth the effort. But, I’m going to attempt this little project called 30 Days of Truth. I saw it over at Laura’s, who saw it at Joelle’s & I figured it would be a good way to get my feet wet again with writing. I might not be completely transparent with each day’s answers, but I’ll write something close to it.

Day 01 — Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 — Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 — Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 — Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 — Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 — Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 — Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 — Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 — Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 — Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 — Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 — Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 — A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 — A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 — Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 — Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 — A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 — Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 — What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 — Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 — (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 — Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 — Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 — Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 — The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 — Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 — What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 — What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 — Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 — A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

I’ll go ahead and get started then.

Day 1 – Something you hate about yourself.

Wow. Starting with the “h” word right off the bat. It’s such a strong word, isn’t it? An intense feeling of dislike.

It’s so easy for me to jump right to physical characteristics with this. For so much of my life, I hated being so tall (5’11″), but I’ve mostly gotten over that. Which wasn’t hard once I suddenly found myself the shortest person in my household with fast-growing teenage boys. I also used to really hate that I was born with a pretty major hearing loss in both ears. Again, though, that’s something I’ve made peace with and honestly – at the end of a long day, there’s not much better than taking out the old aids and listening to pure silence.

The physical trait that I do still have a hard time getting over, though, is the loose, sagging, stretch-marked skin that materialized as a result of losing 140 pounds without much exercise. I’m painting a pretty picture, huh? I’ve had plenty of people tell me that it really isn’t *that* bad. And I’ve seen worse. Way worse. But I have this inner perfectionist who doesn’t like to keep quiet for very long. She likes to point out that my upper thighs aren’t perfectly toned, that my stomach is nowhere near washboard-ready, that I most definitely don’t look like the women in my Runner’s World magazine. That inner perfectionist is right; I don’t look like a cover girl. But you know what? I also don’t look like the 300 pound miserable girl I used to be, either. And even when I was that heavy, I was still beautiful. I know because my husband told me so. :-)

As easy as it is for me to pick a physical trait to showcase as my most hated feature, what I really intensely dislike is the inner perfectionist.

The Judge.

My quality of life would improve beyond imagination were I to shed that characteristic. It’s something to work on – a goal to aspire to – and something I hope I conquer before I’m reduced to dust.

Posted in MeMeMeMe!, Recovery | 1 Comment »

The Medical Blog

Wednesday, September 24th, 2008

I’ve got more medical stuff to post about today. I hope this isn’t a sign of aging and is merely a product of my life circumstances right now. I’d hate to be one of those people who never has anything to say unless it’s complaining about medical issues. Somebody slap me if I start to go there.

With that being said… I went for my second PT appointment tonight. It was much needed after a stressful day. Hmm, maybe I need to write about that. Anyway, the visit started out with an application of heat which was pure bliss, then he moved onto the soft tissue massage which also felt great. Afterward, I sat up to do some neck exercises and then he had me stand to do some exercises with my arms/shoulders. When he saw how little range of motion I had in the left shoulder he was a little floored. We talked more about my calcific tendonitis and he said that I’ve got a frozen shoulder. WTF? I knew I was going to have to address the shoulder issue eventually, and he pressed me on that, but said that it would be best to wait right now. Once the neck is all cleared up, then we can go to the shoulder. He is afraid if we try to treat the shoulder right now that it will aggravate the neck. Plus, the car insurance is paying for the neck treatment, but the shoulder is a pre-existing condition so I don’t want to try to figure that out either.

Anyway – about the rest of my day. I woke up a bit late (note to self: double check alarm time) and then did my thing getting my food and self ready to get out the door by 7. On the drive in to work I take 3 phone calls from sponsees – usually the bright spot in my morning. Once I hang up with them, I either jam to the radio or listen to a book on CD so by the time I get to work I’m wide awake, in a great mood, and raring to go. Today, though, I got 2 more phone calls that messed my routine up a bit. The first one was from my friend who is going on retreat with me this weekend (ahhhhhh, retreat, oh how I need thee) to discuss the menu there. I’m a little stressed about that because we’re having the retreat at a different place this year and the person in charge of the menus eats a lot of things that I don’t, so she just doesn’t get it about making sure food is not marinated, cooked in oil or butter and that we need to have more starch choices for lunch besides bread. So, that was one stressor.

Then my mom called. She said, “We’re still at the hospital.” I was surprised because I didn’t know they had been to the hospital at all. It turns out she sent me an IM last night, but I didn’t turn my IM on so I never got it. My dad was in a lot of pain (he’s got kidney stones), so they went to the ER. Our phone call got cut off, so I went into work not knowing exactly what was going on. Thankfully my brother called a short while later to get me up to speed. The bottom line is – they tried to find the stone and take it out surgically today, but they couldn’t locate it. So they placed a stent in there and then also had to put him on a catheter for blood in the urine. He has to stay overnight for that issue; if it’s cleared up in the morning, he can go home. I feel bad for him.

Right after my brother called, Rob called. He starts his new job on Monday. In Montana. Okay, his job itself won’t be in Montana permanently, but he does have to fly out there to meet the people he’ll be working for, with, and those who will be working for him. He also has to travel to Texas and will most likely be gone 10 days. What a way to start!

Aric’s birthday is October 1st and I’ve already been feeling guilty because I will be away this weekend for retreat and next weekend for another assembly, so we were going to schedule his birthday party for next Sunday afternoon once I returned. Now, though, Rob will be gone, so I’m not sure what we’re going to do exactly. I’m sure we’ll figure it out, but this morning everything all together just felt so overwhelming. Oh! About Aric’s birthday: we got him the best birthday present ever. I’ll post about that in the next day or so, so stay tuned.

In other news, I got my hair cut the other day – she took about two inches off the length. I love that it’s more bouncy, but I’m seriously considering going even shorter. I want more of a bob, I think. Is that totally out of style? I also dyed my own hair last night – first time I’ve done that in a long time! Ever since I screwed up a dye job, I’ve been afraid to do it on my own, but I couldn’t get an appointment for over 2 weeks and I didn’t want to wait that long. The color looks pretty good, I think – very natural. I have the camera with me in my bag for work, but I just haven’t had the time to take a picture yet! Maybe tomorrow.

Posted in Chapstick, MeMeMeMe!, The Fam | 1 Comment »

One Month Later & It’s Physical Therapy Time

Monday, September 22nd, 2008

I started physical therapy for my neck and shoulder pain caused by the accident tonight. I seriously didn’t think I’d even get as far as needing physical therapy for an accident where I started out sitting at a stop light. But here we are one month to the day after the accident and I would have crawled into that physical therapy office tonight if I had to. Today was a bad pain day. I just couldn’t get comfortable no matter what I did the entire day.

When doctors or others ask me to describe my pain, I mostly say, “It’s just sore. And throbbing. And my head feels like it’s too heavy for my neck.” I usually get the sympathetic nods where the emotion doesn’t continue all the way through to the eyes. I can tell they’re thinking I’m either a whiner, a big baby, or just in this deal for the insurance money. After I’ve been examined, though, every single professional I’ve met with has changed their tune. Tonight was no exception. The therapist was genuinely surprised at how much tension, strain, tightness, and spasms were going on in all of my neck and shoulder muscles. I always feel so validated after an examination. It’s not just all in my head!

Tonight’s visit consisted mostly of the primary evaluation. I had to do some simple exercises and movements while he measured the range of movement and pain levels with each. Once that was done, I got to lie on the table while the therapist felt around the whole neck area to get an idea of the damage. He was most surprised at the damage/tenseness in the muscles in the front on my throat. After the exam, I got to sit in a chair with an ice pack and a TENS unit on my neck. That felt pretty weird.

Now I get to go for therapy 3x a week until I start feeling better, at which time the visits will taper off.

I really, truly enjoyed my visit there tonight. Everything was explained to me in simple terms about the injuries as well as the treatments and the people there were just genuinely nice. They’re also going to work me up to a strength training regimen once the initial recovery period begins; I’m looking forward to that. I’ve got some serious Olive Oyl arms going on – I need to get myself into shape! I might be thin, but I’m so out of shape it’s not even funny. Maybe this whole ordeal will be the beginning of me taking complete care of my body. I’ve got the eating part down – now it’s time to get physical. ::Cue Olivia Newton-John::

Posted in MeMeMeMe! | 4 Comments »

My Blood Kicks Ass

Friday, September 5th, 2008

A few weeks ago I had my blood drawn for my semi-regular physical. There was a mix up with the scheduling, so I wasn’t able to get the actual physical until today. It seems like so long ago now because I’ve had so many other health issues crop up since then. At least today I was able to discuss the issues with my neck and shoulders along with getting the physical.

The doctor gave me a copy of my blood test results – she was blown away by the numbers. When I told her that I don’t eat sugar, flour, wheat, or caffeine she said those things definitely explained my results. Here are some of the numbers:

Triglycerides: 43
Total Cholesterol: 124
HDL Cholesterol: 58
LDL Cholesterol: 57
Glucose: 76
Sodium: 142
Potassium: 3.8
Chloride: 109
Carbon Dioxide: 25
Calcium: 8.5
Protein: 6.2

I didn’t know that things like potassium, chloride, and carbon dioxide were even tested. I’m not sure what it means if these levels don’t fall with normal ranges, either. The one concern she mentioned was that my calcium is a bit low. This makes sense since I don’t eat dairy, save for the recently incorporated clarified butter. I am working on getting the dairy back into my food plan slowly, and will get this re-checked in a month. There were two other items that showed up “out of range” (on the low side) and they were my total cholesterol – which she assured me was a very good thing – and my platelets – which she didn’t mention. I need to research what that means, if anything.

It felt good to be able to answer her questions in a healthy way. “Do you smoke?” – No. “How much alcohol do you consume?” – None. The only thing that I need to work on is being able to say, “Yes, regularly!” to the “Do you exercise?” question. So now that I’ve been given a clean bill of health aside from my neck and shoulder pain from the accident, I should be due to get hit by a bus any day now.

As far as my neck and shoulders go – she said it’s normal to still be in pain two weeks after the fact. If I’m still in pain in 2 more weeks, then she will send me to physical therapy. Here’s hoping that doesn’t have to happen.

Posted in Chapstick, Flippin' Sweet, MeMeMeMe! | 3 Comments »

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