Whatever I Feel LikeGosh!

Continuing where I left off…

Friday night after my share and the meeting that followed, I found out a bunch of fun women from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina were also staying in my cabin. I was glad about that, since they were an absolute riot from what little I saw of them. I was looking forward to spending the weekend with them. On Saturday, I wanted to sleep in a bit since I didn’t get to bed until pretty late the night before and I also got my period (good times). However, the rabble rousers from South Carolina made all kinds of noise getting up around 6 AM. It wasn’t so bad, I did get to lay there for a bit and then when I got up I was able to take my time getting ready.

I also took that time to finish my preparation for the speaking engagement I had for later that evening. Once 8 o’clock rolled around, I headed to the dining hall for breakfast, followed by listening to a friend share his personal story of recovery. It was great to just be able to sit and listen instead of being in the spotlight. This guy has an incredible story, too, he takes the disease of food addiction very seriously because he knows so many people who have died from it. Sad, but true. He shared a great metaphor that really made a lot of sense to me. He said that choosing to indulge in compulsive overeating is like going to a young tree and tying a rope to it, and a noose around your neck with the same rope. You won’t die today or in the near future from food addiction, because it’s a slow killer. But it will kill you and the death won’t be pretty. Sobering thoughts.

After the speaker shared, we went to our different workshops. I chose the one on honesty. It was a great group and an excellent meeting. Afterwards we had lunch followed by 3 hours of free time. There were a number of available activities to choose from - mountain biking, hiking, canoeing, kayaking, and rock climbing among them. I didn’t choose any of those, however. Instead, I went with a local guy and three elderly ladies to a local church to see some amazing frescoes and a labyrinth. I felt blessed to have the opportunity to see some of the local culture and experience this man’s church. I also felt jealous that his church was so incredible. I really want and need to find a church. Hopefully I can find one as nice as his.

Check out the frescoes in the main lobby of this church:

There are more of these in my Flickr, if you’re interested.

After we got to hear some interesting stories about the history of this man’s church, and viewed the frescoes at length, we took a walk outside to explore the labyrinth on the grounds past the cemetery.

I actually walked the path - it took more than 5 minutes to complete it one way! All told, we spent a couple of hours at the church, because we moved at a leisurely pace. On the way back to the retreat, he drove us by Moravian Falls. This picture doesn’t do the site justice - I had to take it from inside the car.

Once back at the retreat, it was time for another workshop. I chose to go back to my room and really retreat, though. I needed some quiet alone time. I finished my preparations for my final two speeches and then got inside my sleeping bag and read some of my novel. It felt delicious, but it was time for dinner all too soon. After dinner, it was time to do my talk on steps 4-6 and the principles associated with them. It went very well - I just quoted from our literature and shared my related experiences. There was entertainment that evening, but it was short-lived and unorganized. I spent most of that time talking quietly with one woman who wanted to know more about how I worked my food plan and program. I also spent some one-on-one time with a couple of other fantastic women.

I can’t say enough about how wonderful the people I met were. I’m excited to have new friends from different areas. I’m certain that at least some of our paths will cross again in the future.

Sunday was a short day at the retreat. I shared on steps 7-9 after breakfast and then we had the closing ceremonies and it was time for me to go home. I took with me a letter and a “love note” to remind me of my time there. Everyone there was asked to write an anonymous letter to someone as if it was their first time coming to program, then everyone took a letter when they left. Everyone also wrote their name on a piece of construction paper and hung it on a wall so everyone else could write little love notes on it all weekend. It was fun coming up with nice things to say to everyone. It was even better to read all of the wonderful things written on my paper when I took it down.

The trip back home was pretty uneventful. I was so glad to land in Philly, and even more happy to see my precious car sitting there waiting for me where I left her. I was so relieved to be home, and just vegged for the rest of the night. I missed my family like crazy while I was gone, and I was totally wiped out emotionally. It was a great experience, though, and I’m so glad I was able to have it. I’d say yes in a heartbeat if asked again in the future to speak somewhere.

[tags]recovery, retreat, spiritual retreat[/tags]

I’m back from my weekend retreat in North Carolina. I don’t think I posted much here about the details of where I was going or why. I was asked by someone in one of my 12 step programs to be a guest speaker at a retreat. I also posted this on my recovery blog, so if you’re subbed to both, sorry for the duplicate content.

The retreat was incredibly uplifting, amazing, exhausting, and emotionally draining all at once. I had to really keep my ego in check, though, since I was one of the focuses of attention for the entire weekend. I just kept telling myself that it was the power of recovery people were impressed with - not how incredibly great I am. Here’s a little recap of my adventures.

I left my house around 8 AM on Friday morning to head to the Philly airport. My plane was slightly delayed leaving, but it was a direct flight to Charlotte, so I wasn’t too worried about it. Once I got off the plane, I was really hungry, so I went right to a restaurant in the airport before even getting my luggage. I was re-thinking that decision after I ate when I had a hard time finding my stuff! There was a brief moment of panic, but all was well after a few minutes when I found them. From there I caught a shuttle bus over to the rental car place where I was issued my very own Pimp Mobile. I asked for a standard size car, but they were out, so I ended up with a Grand Marquis. I felt alternatively like an old lady and a pimp. In both cases, I was very much missing my brand new car that was sitting in the economy lot at Philadelphia International.

The drive to the retreat grounds was tortuous. I hit a bunch of traffic and an hour and a half drive turned into double that. At least it was a scenic drive, and I was well rewarded when I reached my destination since the grounds were just astoundingly gorgeous. The weather wasn’t so great for most of my time there, though, so the pictures don’t really do it justice. As soon as I pulled up, I went to the main building to check in and find out where I would be bunking. I signed into a cabin that was empty, half hoping it would remain that way, and headed over to it.

Here’s my Pimp Mobile outside of my cabin:

The cabins across the way:

The cabin front door:

Where I slept for two nights, inside my black and bright pink sleeping bag:

The water fountains leading into the bathroom area. I claimed that counter as my own once I got unpacked and did my hair and makeup there the whole weekend.

Walking in, the toilets are straight ahead:

And the sinks are on the opposite wall:

Further back are the showers:

I was nervous about spending the weekend that rustically, but I actually ended up doing just fine. That’s pretty amazing considering I am a total hotel kind of girl. It really wasn’t that rustic, though, truth be told. Still, though, it was different than what I’m used to.

Soon after I got unpacked, I headed towards the dining hall building and ran into two women who were coming to room with me. I knew the solitary thing wouldn’t last. I was still grateful that I had the chance to explore the place before any one else got there, and picked out which bunk I wanted. So I got to dinner, where the food was really clean - I was so grateful for that. I sat with the guy who asked me to speak at this retreat and a whole bunch of people I never met before. The amazing thing was that it was completely not awkward. I felt immediately at home and at ease among everyone there. I think a lot of that has to do with the growth in me. I am secure enough with myself today to just be me no matter where I am and that makes it so easy to go to new places and situations. The comfortableness also has a lot to do with the fact that I just feel so at home with other people in recovery - it’s amazing how strong and instant that connection can be. I was relieved, too, because I had to tell my story that night!

The telling of my story was fine. I always feel like I leave stuff out when I’m done, but other than that, I think it went well. People were amazed that I ever weighed almost 300 pounds and that I used to do all the things I did. There were several newcomers there, so it felt good to be able to pass on a message of hope to them - to let them know there is a solution and I am testament to that fact thanks to this miraculous program.

This is getting to be the longest entry ever, so I think I’ll finish the rest of the weekend in separate posts.

[tags]recovery, food addiction, retreat, spiritual retreat[/tags]

Today is my 5 year anniversary of being sober and abstinent (from compulsive eating). I can hardly believe it’s been that long or the changes in me in that time. It blows my mind to think about it, actually. I’ve got so much gratitude today, it just fills me up like no drug or food could ever do.

One day at a time, I hope to stay in this beautiful, blessed place.

I feel like I’m always saying the same thing on here lately. “I’m busy. I’m behind. I will never get caught up on blogs, message boards and emails again.” I’m oddly at peace with it when I’m not in front of the computer. When I’m here, though, I get a sort of panicky feeling inside. I’m used to being on top of everything and now I’m not. I guess in time, this might feel normal and it will be no big deal, but for right now? It’s a major adjustment.

My weekend away was incredible. I had a great time with the people I was there with, and I got so much out of all the meetings I went to. It’s comforting to be surrounded by so much recovery. There was also much shopping done this weekend - I got a chance to hit the outlets and hit them I did. The Tanger Outlets in Rehoboth are probably some of the best outlets in our area. I could easily spend a whole weekend down there just shopping.

I was thinking, while I was there shopping, how when we lived in Dover I wasn’t so impressed with those outlets. I didn’t go there very often and I didn’t buy much. The reason for that is when we lived in Dover, Rob was in the military and I was working at Sam’s Club. We weren’t exactly rolling in the dough. We had no money to go shopping at the outlets! No wonder I wasn’t enthralled with them while I lived there. It’s a shame - or probably more a blessing - that now that I have money to spend, I live 2 1/2 hours away.

One of my friends asked me to be a guest speaker at a retreat in North Carolina in May. All of my expenses will be paid, I just need to show up and speak about my recovery from compulsive eating for an hour. I wrestled with the decision for a day, but ultimately decided that the only answer I could rightfully give was, “YES!” So in two weeks, I will be traveling to North Carolina - fun! (And scary!)

Yesterday was Rob’s first day as the boss. It feels so strange seeing him in the boss’s office. I keep waiting for my old boss to come in and ask me a stupid question (a regular occurrence while he was here!), but he’s not going to be doing that. I am feeling a deep sense of peace and freedom while at the same time realizing how tense and on guard I was at work the past few years. I didn’t even realize it until yesterday. This, too, will take some time to get used to.

Spring time is always about change in my life. Some years more so than others, but this year is proving to be one of the stronger years of change I’ve had in recent memory. I’m anxious to see what else God has in store for me.

I’m sitting here on my hotel room balcony in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware listening to the waves crashing to shore. I wouldn’t normally be sitting outside on the balcony, especially considering it’s in the high 40’s/low 50’s outside. However, I can’t get connected to a wireless network unless the laptop is outside. Good times. If only it were 20 degrees warmer, this might be ideal. Right now it’s just a little nutty.

I come down to Rehoboth every April and October to do Region level service work for one of my recovery programs. I’m actually the webmaster for the Region, so my job here is pretty fun. It’s helpful for me to have Internet access while I’m here to be able to do certain things besides my regular blogging/emailing/message boards thing. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be able to pick up on a connection while I’m inside.

Meanwhile, I think I should have brought some gloves down with me.

[tags]Rehoboth Beach, Delaware[/tags]