Well I’m back and I had quite an eventful weekend! It wasn’t at all how I pictured it was going to be, which is just further proof of how little I know.
I met some friends at Houlihan’s on Friday night for dinner before the retreat. They call it “The Last Supper” because the food at the retreat house is not so good. When I go out to eat, I usually have to eat such bland stuff anyway, that there wasn’t much difference in the two for me. Anyway, we had a nice time there - laughing, joking, talking, getting into the spirit of being away for the weekend. We got to the retreat around 7 - right in the middle of the hustle and bustle. It’s always exciting on Friday night with everyone coming in - the grand hall is filled with the noise of friends gleefully noting new arrivals and the hustle and bustle of following instructions for registration.
Shortly after I arrived, I ran right smack into my sponsor. If you’ll recall, I have been working with her for 1 1/2 years, but have never met her in person. She lives about an hour away and I found her through a mutual friend and we’ve had a phone and email relationship all this time. It was really surreal to meet her and to hear her voice while also seeing her face. We had exchanged pictures, but I still had her envisioned in my mind completely different. When we met, she knew who I was because a lot of people were yelling, “Amy! Hi!,” when I walked in - and I have to admit, I felt all proud of myself in that moment. In my mind, I was thinking, “Oh good! My sponsor is going to see how much everyone loves me!” Like there was ever any doubt. Heh.
Every Friday night on retreat weekend, there is a house tour on the schedule. I’d never gone to it, but since this would be the last year at this location for the retreat, I wanted to be sure to attend. My sponsor and I went together - it turned out to be somewhat of a virtual tour because it was just one of the nuns speaking about the history of the retreat house followed by a video promoting the house. It wasn’t an actual physical walking tour - I was disappointed because I know there are nooks and crannies in that mansion that went undiscovered by me. It was still nice to hear more about the history of the mansion, though, and also to listen to the nun speak because she was preparing our minds and spirits for the intensity of the weekend. Being on retreat can be like a shock to the system because it is so different from our every day lives.
After getting settled into my room, my sponsor and I met in this beautiful, secluded room called “The Prayer Room” where we did some step-work together. It felt weird to meet my sponsor for the first time and immediately go into the first part of my 5th step with her, but she is so great that it was fine after not long at all. We took a couple of hours to do this work, by the time we were done, it was around 11:30. I headed up to my room, which I was sharing with 3 of my great girlfriends, and walked in to see my area totally decked out with streamers and balloons and a gift bag on my bed. Sweet!! That was a nice surprise. I felt like this was going to be the best.retreat.ever. We stayed up for a little while chatting, but we were all fading fast and were asleep shortly after midnight. My head hit the pillow and I thought about how great the next day and the rest of the weekend were going to be. I couldn’t wait to get to sleep, so I could wake up and experience the rest of the retreat.
Sometime in the early morning, though, I was rudely awakened by a dream I was having… where I was falling and couldn’t stop myself. I woke up and the room was spinning. I slammed my hands down to steady myself and quickly switched positions and fell back asleep. Not too long after that, I woke up again in the same manner, but this time I was sure I was going to throw up, so I ran to the bathroom. I sat there on the floor by the toilet for a little while, but nothing came up. I wasn’t sure what was wrong with me, but my initial thoughts were that I had a stomach virus, possibly from the food I ate at the restaurant earlier. I felt better after sitting on the cold tile floor in the bathroom, so I headed back to bed. I was back on the bathroom floor in no time, though, because the whole cycle repeated itself again. By now, it was around 5am and I was pretty awake and aware that something was wrong with me. I didn’t think it was a stomach problem anymore because I didn’t throw up and my main problem seemed to be that if I wasn’t sitting perfectly upright, I got massively dizzy. I started to suspect an inner ear problem throwing off my equilibrium and then remembered that I have had this weird thing all week, especially when I got tired at night, where I could barely keep my eyes open, but not in a terribly sleepy way. I also knew I had been battling sinus problems during the week and it was beginning to dawn on me that I’ve had a sinus and/or inner ear infection brewing for several days and I’d been ignoring it. The vertigo made sure I would no longer ignore it.
By 7am, the vertigo and pressure in my face was so bad, that I was just sitting on my bed crying. My friends were up by now and I told them what had been going on with me. They encouraged me to go home, which I knew I had to do, too. I called Rob and he came to get me. I hated leaving. I couldn’t believe I was going to miss the last retreat! As I was being escorted through the grand hallway out the front doors, I saw a few people watching me go by and I felt like such a spectacle. Rob was feeling this way, too, because the nun at the front door wouldn’t let him in at first. The whole scene was just surreal. On the drive home, we talked about whether we should go to the ER or go home and call the doctor. We decided on the latter. I sat on my sofa in the reclining seat, with my head propped up by pillows to keep it upright so I wouldn’t get the spins and was able to get in a couple of naps while waiting for the doctor to call back. I also took some sinus medicine during this time and actually started to feel somewhat better. I still had the vertigo, but the overwhelming pain and pressure and general malaise was started to ease. By the time the doctor called back (4 hours later!), I had already decided I was going to eat lunch, take a shower and try to get back to the retreat.
The doctor called me in an anti-dizzy/nausea medicine, but no antibiotic. I was disappointed that he didn’t see me and didn’t call me in anything for the infection that was causing the vertigo in the first place. I hate the whole “treat the symptoms” mentality. My doctor is an old man who runs an old-fashioned medical practice out of the front of his home while living in the remainder of the house. He and his wife have a practice there, actually, and it’s quite quaint and touching, but it’s not suiting my needs. I’ve been wanting to switch doctors for a while now, but just never got around to it. This weekend’s incident has prompted me to make a change.
So I did end up going back to the retreat and I felt okay as long as I was doped up on the sinus medication. That night I took the anti-dizzy medication and a friend performed some energy work on me. I’m not sure which one did the trick, but the vertigo went away after about an hour and I was able to lie down to sleep instead of trying to get my rest while propped up with 7 pillows behind me. I was so grateful to be able to get a normal night’s rest. I woke up feeling pretty good on Sunday, but knew I had some sort of infection. Still, though, I made it through the rest of the retreat and had a great time.
I’ll write more about how wonderful the retreat was in another post this week, hopefully. This one is long enough! It’s Monday morning, and I’m home sick - I have a doctor’s appointment (at a new practice) at 1pm. Hopefully I’ll like these people and they can get me all patched up and back to good soon.
[tags]spiritual retreat, retreat, recovery, vertigo[/tags]
