Whatever I Feel LikeGosh!

My blogging time has been drastically reduced because I seem to spend all of my fun online time hanging out on Facebook these days. Man, I love that site. I’ve reconnected with quite a few people from my past – going all the way back to elementary school. This week my best friend from high school signed up, so I’m fairly certain I’ll be there more than ever now.

In other news… I’m off from work until January 5th! That’s 16 full days off in a row. I’m really excited to have a block of time to just relax and take it easy and do all the things I would do if I were a lady who lunches. Unfortunately, I’m only off because my company imposed a forced furlough for all of that time. There’s been a rash of good news/bad news the past few weeks regarding mine and Rob’s work. Witness:

Good news:
Rob got a promotion and a huge (huge!) raise

Bad news:
My company announced a forced furlough due to the downturn in business & softening economy

Good news:
I have enough vacation days to get paid for all of my time off during the furlough

Bad news:
All employees at my company are getting a temporary (3-month) pay cut effective January 12th. The amount of the cut was based on salary and the ranges were 5-15%. I fell right in the middle there.

Good news:
I still have a job and Rob’s raise makes up for what I lost.

All in all, I’m grateful for where we are standing at the end of 2008 especially relative to where we were at the end of 2007 – both of us laid off due to our company going bankrupt and closing. I am seeing a lot of heartbreaking stories concerning people losing jobs and not having money and I know we’re among the fortunate for today. I’ll take our lot and count my blessings.

Are you all ready for the holidays?? I have a few small items to get and then need to finish up wrapping. All in all, I’m in good shape and really looking forward to the big day. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate if I don’t get back here before then!

I got my first flu shot this year. Prior to getting it, I polled everyone I knew. “Should I get the flu shot? My workplace is giving them free to all employees.” With the exception of just a few, the response was overwhelming: get the shot.

Well guess what? The majority rule are a bunch of dummies. Two weeks from the day I got that shot, I came down with the flu. It’s been two weeks since I came down with the flu and I’m still recovering. It’s been a rough month.

An aggravating result of getting the flu was the setback of my physical therapy progress. My neck and shoulders are now back to the level of pain and loss of range in motion I was experiencing 6 weeks ago. It’s pretty frustrating. It’s been 3 months since my accident. I never would have thought I’d still be feeling the effects all this time later. It’s changed my quality of life without a doubt.

Anyway, this week is Thanksgiving, and I need to focus on gratitude. I do have much to be grateful for in my life and so I’ll end this post with a gratitude list – something I haven’t done nearly enough lately.

I’m grateful for:

• the pain in my neck, shoulders, and back – for it means I’m not paralyzed
• my physical therapist – he is great at what he does and has an engaging personality. I enjoy my visits.
• my sponsor – she reads my lengthy emails and listens to meandering phone calls moaning about my life’s problems and responds with love and tenderness
• the women I sponsor – they remind me on a daily basis what a gift and miracle recovery from addiction is
• my job – it’s definitely not something anyone can take for granted in these economic times
• Rob’s job – he went 8 long months without one, so we definitely appreciate him being employed now
• my immediate family – I love all three of my guys so much. The boys are so funny and different from each other, and Rob is always such a loving supporter.
• My extended family – between my parents, my siblings, my nieces & nephews, and inlaws, I’ve got a full plate that provides me with a lot of joy most of the time.
• Facebook and the resulting rekindling of friendships from my youth
• the Internet, TV, and books – my three main sources of entertainment
• Music – I’m not much of a musician, but my life has always been surrounded by music in one way or another and without it – I start to wither.

I suppose I could go on for a while, but those are the things that are really present for me today. What are you grateful for?

We had a nice family-centric weekend. I love when that happens.

Yesterday was a surprise 60th birthday party for my dad. My mom arranged for it to be held in the gymnasium of their church. Mom and I had a good time running around getting all of the stuff before the party and being as clandestine as possible. We could have done a better job at the latter, though, because my dad had a slight suspicion about the party when he drove to the church. Oh well, he had no idea up until that moment, so that was good. The party was great, and that’s all that really matters.

Here are some photos – click through to see the full set on Flickr.

Today we spent some time cleaning the inside of the house – but not too much. We spent the majority of our efforts raking and bagging leaves. All told, we ended up with 12 yard-size bags of leaves and we’ve still got two trees with quite a few leaves left on them. It’s going to be so nice to not track in 50 million leaves when we come in the house – at least for a little while.

While the kids recuperated from doing manual labor, Rob and I took Grace to a local dog park that recently opened. I’d been following the news about the park’s progress and have wanted to go for a little while now, so I was quite excited to be taking the trip. The park is about 5 miles from our house which is pretty awesome.

Grace had the best time at the park. She ran in and greeted all of the people before even acknowledging any of the dogs when we first got there. That cracked me up. It was fun to watch her interact with the other dogs once she got going, though. Turns out Grace is quite the peacemaker. Every time there was even a hint of a scuffle, Grace came running through, right smack in the middle of the crowd of dogs, tail wagging, tongue hanging, with a huge grin on her goofy face.

We’ve heard narry a peep out of Grace since coming home and it’s been over 4 hours now. She is completely wiped out. Rob and I are enjoying her tiredness; it’s like when infants and toddlers go down for a nap and parents breathe a sigh of relief. The silence and stillness is a welcome change.

And now – it’s time for some Eagles football! Kickoff is right this second. My parents are at the game, so hopefully the birds don’t disappoint.

I’m listening to the audiobook “Water For Elephants” now. It has me completely captivated. The story is told as a series of memories from the point of view of Jacob Jankowski, the lead character. When the story begins, Jankowski is either 90 or 93 (he can’t remember) years old and living in a nursing home.

As Jacob describes some events that unfold in the nursing home, my heart breaks. I immediately think forward to when my parents will be his age. What will their lives be like when they’re elderly? Will they want to live in a nursing home? Or would they rather live with their children? Thinking about them being taken care of by strangers fills me with sorrow and dread. Unless that’s their express interest, there’s no way I can let that happen.

I also started imagining what daily life would be like if my mom came to live with us. For some reason, I don’t picture my dad in these future projections. Mostly since his health isn’t the greatest; he’s a compulsive overeater whose body is showing all of the signs of a lifetime of excess food: Diabetes Type 2, heart problems, etc. That’s another story, for another day, though, and not all that relevant to the point of my little story here.

Envisioning my mom and I living together as older women actually brought a smile to my face. We’ve not always had the best relationship – especially through my teens and twenties – but today she’s someone I feel a need to connect with on a regular basis. When I don’t talk to her for a few days, I start missing her. I think we would actually have a good time together in our twilight years. Of course, a lot would depend upon her attitude. She tends to get depressed when she doesn’t feel good physically. She also has a lot of back problems. For my little daydream, though, we’re sitting around the kitchen table sipping on hot tea and enjoying our moments together.

Of course, I know I’m projecting into the future (just a little, hmm?), but I think it’s good to come to terms with these types of things with oneself. Knowing where I stand on this issue for my family gives me a sense of peace. Just as a side note – I don’t hold any opinions or judgments about anyone else and their family situation. I know that everyone has to do what works best for them.

With all this being said, I still hope we have many, many years before any of this comes to fruition. I’m looking forward to having a long and rewarding relationship with my mom (and dad!), but I’m also wise enough to know I need to just enjoy the time I have with them today. Speaking of which, my mom is pinging me on instant messaging now. Time to go.

I’m so over both of my kids.

Rob and I have had an ongoing disagreement for months (years?) about this one issue and I think it’s taken him being away for a week for me to see things his way. Rob insists that the boys do not do enough around the house as far as cleaning up after themselves, lending a helping hand and pitching in when needed. I’ve maintained that they are only kids once and that as a kid I was messy and self-centered, etc., too.

This week, though, I reached my breaking point. I think things have been exacerbated because I had to go away for two weekends in a row and Rob was gone the entire time (I’m also realizing just how much Rob does around here!). The kids did not help me out one little bit. Even their normal chores were ignored until they were told repeatedly to get them done. I’ve long been a fan (in theory, at least) of saying something once and then if it’s not done dishing out consequences. I haven’t been so good with following my own advice/beliefs this week. It’s been rough just trying to take care of everything I need to for myself – between work, physical therapy, and meetings, and going away twice, I’ve been pretty swamped. Throw in the pets, taking care of my food, packing, laundry, dishes, and keeping the house kept up all on my own with virtually no help from the kids (who, by the way were busy making more messes) and you’ve got one worn out, pissed off, frazzled Amy.

Something happened on Friday, though, that absolutely pushed me over the edge. I packed my suitcase for my trip and told the boys to do the same. Even though they were told to pack on Thursday, they both chose to do so on Friday. That was a battle I decided I didn’t want to fight. I figured if they didn’t have their bags packed by the time we needed to leave on Friday, they’d wear the same clothes all weekend. So. On Wednesday and Thursday I had the boys do their own laundry (I’m dealing with the after-effects of that tonight – but that’s another story) and Aric’s clothes were still mostly in the laundry room on Friday. There was a suitcase sitting on top of Grace’s kennel in the laundry room that I used to pack my stuff in. After I was all packed up, I took the suitcase and placed it in the front hallway close to the door.

When Aric finally decided to pack his bag, he came storming downstairs in a huff wanting to know why I used the suitcase in the laundry room. He had that particular suitcase ready to go for his stuff, he tells me. I guess his plan was to pack his bag directly in the laundry room. I let him know that he didn’t really need a suitcase to go to his grandmother’s house for 2 days, but he was pretty adamant. I knew there were other suitcases so if he wanted to use one of those, he was free to do so.

Not too long after his bag was packed, I told him and Connor to load up the car with their belongings. When I came upstairs I noticed my suitcase was no longer in the hallway. I was pleasantly surprised. Aric packed my suitcase, too?! That was definitely unexpected. I mentally patted myself on the back for raising such a courteous young man who knew how to take care of his mother while his father was gone even if he was mad at her.

We drove over to my parents’ house and I had the boys unload the car of their belongings. Once they were done, I went to check that they had everything and noticed there were no suitcases in the car at all. My suitcase was not there.

“Where’s my suitcase?,” I cried to both boys as they stood staring at me slack-jawed on the curb.

Both shrugged their shoulders and said, “I dunno,” as they walked into the house, my dad trailing behind them shaking his head.

So here I had a 3 hour trip ahead of me that just grew by another 30-45 minutes. Even better – it was now ominously close to rush hour. I left without saying goodbye. When I got back to the house, I found my suitcase thrown haphazardly on the laundry room floor. That little shit. I spent the weekend nursing a resentment against both of them. And for the first time ever, I was away from the boys overnight and I did not miss them. Not even a little bit.

I know Rob is feeling frustrated since he’s 2,500 miles away and can’t help me out. However, I bet he’s also almost grateful that I’m going through this pain because it’s propelling me to change. My views towards the boys and their lack of contribution to the household has done a complete 180… and my actions are right behind. No more Mrs. Nice Mommy. I’m also looking forward to being more on the same page as Rob with this. I hated that there was a chasm between us whenever this issue arose, but I honestly didn’t feel their behaviors were a problem. I guess I needed to deal with them on my own for a while to truly see.

My boys are good kids, don’t get me wrong, but they sure are self-centered, lazy, and slovenly. I don’t know if changing how I parent them will change them internally; I’m hoping that they can act themselves into right thinking where this is concerned by me forcing their hand with their actions. And if they don’t, at least there’s more peace between Rob and I – and less work!